Things That We Can Learn From BDSM That Can Boost Our Sex Life

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The BDSM community isn’t something you should try your best to stay away from. These are kinky people that can teach you how to have better sex. Yes, having vanilla sex is perfectly fine. However, there are some tricks and tips you can learn that have nothing to do with sex as well.

So here are some sex tips for couples who want to improve their sex life.

Say What You Want

One of the reasons why people within the BDSM community have better sex is because communication is the most important thing. Sure, you and your partner talk. But do you tell them all about the ways you want them to have you? Of course not — your fantasies are just too dirty, and who knows what they might think of you. Well, it’s time to learn a thing or two from BDSM couples.

The first thing you need to know is that it’s all about consent. Nothing happens unless the other partner wants it too. There’s no guilt-tripping, no blaming, no arguments. BDSM couples openly negotiate and talk about their wants, needs, and scenes. Sometimes, they go over every detail of a scene to ensure that everything goes smoothly. Could you imagine doing that with your partner? Probably not.

This is exactly why one of you gets disappointed after sex on a regular basis. The other one simply doesn’t know what you want, so there’s no way for them to do it. So to change that, let someone from the BDSM community teach you how to openly communicate with your partner. Everything will change after that.

RELATED: 9 Reasons You Should Have Sex Everyday

Free Use

This term can easily be taken out of context. Free use means that your partner can use you sexually however and whenever they want. However, it doesn’t mean they can just have a go at you when you’re feeling down or have responsibilities. Above all else, free use is about compromise.

We’re all too familiar with wanting sex and our partner not being in the mood. We’re horny, and masturbation just won’t cut it this time. The first thing you need to do is understand what free use means to you. What are the things you’re willing to give at any point of the day? It can be oral, a makeout session, or even a quickie if the circumstances allow it.

Still, this doesn’t only apply to you. Your partner should be willing to give something as well. So think about the acts you love the most and ask your significant other if they’d be down to do it whenever you ask.

This concept can help you further liberate yourself sexually. Sex won’t feel like a chore but a fun thing that can happen at any point. Spontaneity can really help you break out of the vanilla shell.

Pain Is Inevitable to Feel Love and Care

Just like Thanos, pain is inevitable. You know, you have to go through bad days so the good days can come. Going through bad things will make you appreciate the good even more. Nobody really enjoys it, but there’s nothing you can do to prevent it. So how about embracing it? Yes, pleasure and pain mix well.

To further illustrate this, let’s talk about what happens in the BDSM community one more time. After each scene, there must be aftercare. That’s right — there are absolutely no exceptions. Sometimes, these scenes can be triggering or draining, and aftercare helps take care of that.

The concept of aftercare is similar to cuddling after sex. It’s that time when you care for your partner, show them love and affection. Not that you weren’t showing any affection before, it’s just that it’s not the main focus.

Another example is simply being in a relationship. There will be arguments and fights where partners will end up feeling pain. However, after making up (make-up sex, woohoo!), they’ll feel love and care more intensely than before. So why not apply that to regular sex? It’s definitely fun as long as you keep things under control.

Letting Go of Control

This is something not a lot of people will want to do. Submitting to your partner might sound like something… bad. They could potentially take advantage of you if you just do as they say, right? Nope. It cannot be more wrong than that. In dom/sub relationships (or scenes), everything is negotiated beforehand. Of course, everyone has their limits, so boundaries should be set. Plus, remember having a safe word? It can get you out of whatever you’re not comfortable with at the moment.

Letting go of all control and giving it to your partner can feel liberating. You don’t have to worry about anything that’s going on. All you have to do is what you’re told. It doesn’t get simpler than that. You no longer have to wonder about what your partner wants. Why? They’ll either take it or tell you to do it.

It’s Okay to Explore Your Limits and Discover Your Wants

Pushing yourself to certain limits can feel overwhelming at times. It’s important to remember that you can always use your safe word or simply stop whatever you’re doing. However, through BDSM, people are able to discover what it is they truly want and like.

This is only because communication is a major factor within BDSM. You talk to your partner about what you want to try, and then you try it. It’s that simple. If you end up not liking it — it’s not a problem at all. This is when you move on to trying something new that you might like.

Communicating with your partner in this way will not only improve your sex life but your relationship as a whole.

(There’s A HUGE Difference Between Pushing Limits & Breaking Boundaries In BDSM)

Conclusion

There are plenty of things we can learn from the BDSM community. Many of those things don’t even have anything to do with sex itself. Being a part of this community teaches you how to communicate openly and effectively as well as say no whenever you feel like it.