Deciding to debunk these awful myths was easy. Will executing it be a challenge? We’re all here to find out.
Sometimes, it is obvious where some of the misconceptions come from. At other times, however, they make no sense at all. Be that as it may, we’re here to tell you the truth.
We’re thankful you want to learn more about the community. First, prepare yourself for many surprises. Why? Because this community is nothing like you’ve imagined. These are just ordinary people being excited by certain things, just like any of us are.
Just because only the norm excites you doesn’t mean you get to judge others. These people are simply unique.
Movies Introduced BDSM to More People
You can find BDSM in countless flicks, or at least some of the elements of the lifestyle. However, let’s talk about movies that feature BDSM more explicitly.
First, it’s important to mention that BDSM wasn’t always so out in the open as it is now. We have to thank the media for that. A lot of movies in the past have featured some BDSM elements. But none made as significant of an impact as “50 Shades of Grey” did.
We’re all familiar with that movie. We’re sure it introduced most of the people to BDSM. Despite that, many of you will be surprised to know that people in the BDSM community are actually not fans of the said movie. They believe it glorifies abuse done by Christian Grey.
They’re more likely to suggest you watch the movie “Secretary,” which they say shows you a healthy Dom/sub relationship.
BDSM Culture Has a Small Following
The BDSM community didn’t suddenly start existing after the premiere of “50 Shades.” Sure, it grew in numbers. Nonetheless, their ranks were already numerous.
Not every kinky sex requires chains and whips. People who engage in kinky stuff can do so with no props at all. Therefore, not every person has the infamous playroom you saw in the film. You’re not going to spot a person on the street and know they belong to the community, so to speak.
Trust us when we say that there are more kinky people in this world than meets the eye — they just don’t want you to know it.
Either Vanilla or Kinky
There’s a very wrong misconception that you have to be kinky all the time. That’s not what the BDSM lifestyle is about. Even when you’re a part of the community, you have to take a break.
It’s not only about fetishists, though. There’s nothing wrong with vanilla sex, and BDSM practitioners agree with that. Vanilla sex is awesome! Many kinksters actually enjoy it and engage in it more than the BDSM stuff. That doesn’t make them any less kinky. In short, it all depends on what you’re in the mood for.
So, yes. You can be in the community and enjoy both vanilla or kinky sex.
Being Into BDSM Stems From Child Abuse
Here’s where we circle back to why “50 Shades” isn’t giving BDSM a proper representation. In the movie, Christian Grey enjoys his kinks because he has been abused in his childhood. Okay, how does that make any sense?
Kinks can indeed be realized in childhood. It is the time when you are exploring the world and forming your tastes. However, getting a few spanks as a child doesn’t result in you liking spanking as an adult. That’s not how it works.
You simply realize that you like it because it excites you. No other reason is involved in the process of forming your kinks.
BDSM People Have Mental Health Issues
First and foremost, this is not a very smart statement. Unfortunately, there’s no surprise that it’s in this list of myths and misconceptions. Whenever people don’t understand something, they try to judge it without even trying to educate themselves on it.
There’s vanilla sex — that’s what people consider the norm. So, as soon as you like something different, people think you have mental health issues.
Apparently, something making you feel good means there’s something wrong with you. Well, time to ring up the sex therapist and tell them all about it.
Men Are Doms; Women Are Subs
We’ll start off by saying that there’s no patriarchy in the BDSM world. Sure, countless men enjoy being the dominant partner. Similarly, a lot of women enjoy being the submissive partner. However, their sex doesn’t determine that for them — it’s a personal preference.
Dominance and submission are extremely inclusive categories. Many men actually enjoy being submissive, while being dominant can really empower any woman.
Also, some people like to switch between both. Sometimes they’re feeling submissive, sometimes dominant. There are no rules to it unless you establish them with your partner. But no — your sex doesn’t determine your role.
BDSM Practitioners Are Abusive
These myths and misconceptions are really starting to give us a headache. We can understand where they’re coming from, though. But people should really educate themselves more, and that’s why we’re here.
Those who practice BDSM are not abusive. They heavily insist on consensual play, so don’t believe everything Mr. Grey is telling you! Know
BDSM puts a lot of focus on consent and the well-being of its practitioners. There’s a thing called “after-care” for a reason — the sub is tended to and cared for. Everything that happens in BDSM is a result of negotiation, and there’s no abuse involved.
RELATED: 5 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT CONSENSUAL NON-CONSENT
Summary
Well, this was definitely an adventure. We hope we’ve given you a better understanding of what BDSM is actually like. This lifestyle doesn’t involve any of the misconceptions people usually think of.
We can understand where they’re coming from, though. BDSM doesn’t have the best rap, and it is not properly represented in the media. The only way to learn about it is to do your own research.
However, that can often be discouraging. Why? Because there’s a wide-spread opinion that BDSM is abusive and that there’s something wrong with you if you practice it. People are shamed for their kinks, and they don’t even want to be a part of the community.
Truthfully, there are many wonderful people out there who are not defined by what excites them.
