Does every sub need to be treated like a slut or useless fucktoy in order to please their master? Or is there more to it?
If you’re just starting to explore BDSM or you want to fulfill your partner’s fantasy, you’ll need to follow some tricks to learn how to be a great submissive in bed. Check out our ultimate guide on how to be submissive to learn more!
What Does Being Submissive Mean?
Firstly, if you learn how to be a good sub, it will completely change your understanding of sex. Plus, it will introduce you to some unbelievably kinky sex acts that will end in unforgettable orgasms. But, bear in mind that it’s very easy to misunderstand the concepts of submission and power play.
Most importantly, there’s a difference between being sexually submissive and being a sub. If you’re a sexually submissive person, you willingly allow your partner to be aggressive in the bedroom and take complete control during sex. However, if you’re a sub in a BDSM relationship, you’re part of a bond/lifestyle choice that you arrange with your partner. In that case, your submission doesn’t only refer to sexual acts. It can also steer your thoughts, behaviors, words, and your day-to-day life.
If you’re a submissive, you consensually enter into a sexual act or relationship that hands the reins over to your dominant partner. That requires trust, communication, and an open mind. During sex or fetish play, you will need to follow your Dom’s commands while understanding your limits. That is, submission is not only about allowing your partner to use you as they please without any regard to your limits or needs. That is the most common submission myth. It’s the reason why many men and women are afraid of being subs!
Why Being Submissive in Bed Could Be Great
Submission is an essential part of BDSM. It focuses on the power exchange between two people. There are hundreds of kinks and acts that will allow you to explore it. That includes soft erotica, mild punishment, rough and extreme sex, anal training, role play, various fetishes, and more. As mentioned, you can be submissive in bed without actually trying extreme BDSM kinks. The trick is to determine your level of submission. From there, you can reap the benefits and use power play to reinvent your sex life.
One of the biggest benefits of being a submissive is the fact that you can let go and allow your partner to control you. That is a major turn on to some people, and it can bring you heaps of pleasure. Some people love to be roughed up and “used” by their partners. However, others treat a sub and Dom relationship as a highly intimate dynamic where both sides have equal power.
The first step to being a great sub is to learn how to be obedient while expressing your limits openly. Quite often, submissives will often be blindfolded, gagged, bound, or a mix of all three. Also, the sub will always be the receiver in any type of scene, from penetration to impact play.
There are many different behaviors that you can express while being obedient. In any case, the goal is to follow the dom’s desires and commands. However, being obedient doesn’t mean the focus is on the dominant role. If you choose to submit, you can also gain pleasure from following orders. Of course, all of this requires consent.
Don’t Forget Your Safewords
Typically, the healthiest way to practice BDSM is through negotiation. It’s incredibly important to discuss any rules, responsibilities, goals, and limits with your partner. However, submissive partners who are just starting out can sometimes overextend themselves and think that they know their limits without actually understanding them.
To be a good sub, you have to identify your boundaries clearly and find an effective safeword system. Remembering your safewords and using them during play is an essential aspect of being a great sub. So before you try anything, have a chat with your partner and find some words or cues that you can both remember. Then, if the session becomes too extreme, simply use your safeword to tell your partner to slow down.
Moreover, when it comes to planning and safewords, most beginners believe that too much talking will ruin the magic. However, this is not the case with BDSM. In fact, talking about your fetishes and kinky activities will actually build up the anticipation, and it will act as a kind of foreplay before you get to the real thing.
Find a Good Dom
Being submissive will not be easy if you can’t find a good dom. The BDSM community usually suggests you find someone that you’re compatible with or even someone that you’re romantically involved with. If you already have a partner, you could ask them to research the traits of a good Dom. This should include a deep understanding of BDSM and its dynamics.
What’s more, a great Dom is someone who knows the limits of their power. They should know how to lead, guide, discipline, and protect their partner responsibly. That requires balance, self-awareness, communication, intuition, respect, and compassion.
While a Dom is supposed to be in control, they also need to know how to meet their sub’s needs. For example, your Dom should negotiate your scenes openly and have a thorough awareness of your limits and safewords. They should also be aware that your submission doesn’t allow them to be selfish. A great Dom should treat your submission as a gift, and they shouldn’t act in a self-fulfilling manner.
Don’t Just Be a Passive Sub
Finally, a sub shouldn’t be passive unless the scene calls for it. Great submissives are not weak individuals who can be easily manipulated. As mentioned, they get into a submissive role as a gift to their Dom. Yet, the Dom/sub dynamic isn’t only about pleasing the master/mistress. That means that a sub shouldn’t only spread their holes and wait for their Dom to penetrate them without moving at all. The sub can gain equal pleasure through active participation. That could involve the use of dirty talk, encouragement, experimenting with sex positions, role switching, using sex toys, etc.
So do you have what it takes to be an obedient sub? There’s only one way to find out! Have fun playing!